Remember Your Roots

I've always considered myself very fortunate to have grown up on a farm. Sticks and rocks were my favorite toys and our animals were some of my best friends. I spent countless hours outside with my Grandmother in the gardens, helping feed the animals or making huge bonfires in the field. she slowly taught me compassion, respect and responsibility while growing up. Over the years I strayed away from it, staying inside and always having an Xbox controller in my hands. I left my lifes' "roots" for a fake digital world, I was craving an escape for all the negativity in my life. But it was always temporary. Life would always welcome me back with open arms, ready to drown me in more stress and trauma.

I grew very attached to nature and the outdoors, knowing that anywhere I went it would never hurt or question me; I was free to be me. I would find solace sitting in a small pine grove, telling the trees my thoughts and feelings. They would silently listen, free of judgement. I found love and happiness in the "wild". There was always time to hike or camp, well as much as life permits the average person. I would mostly visit my local states surrounding MA, Vermont being my favorite. Climbing 4,000 ft mountains just to stand atop the summit and look at how small the world was. It was possible for me to stand above my worries and fears, knowing that courage and perseverance existed within me. My Grandmother would tell me stories of how she had worked on the trail and how amazing it was. We (to this day) go for walks in the woods, and she had done what she was always good at. She planted that seed in the back of my mind, "Hike the Appalachian Trail", not only for me but for her as well.

She has been my driving force. The person who is so genuinely interested in my hike. Telling me more stories, mentioning to her friends, talking about my gear (how things were in her time) and giving me inspirational books. She taught me almost everything I know about nature and for that reason alone, I know my journey will end atop Mt Katahdin.

Now, I obviously have like 10,000 reasons why i'm hiking the Appalachian trail.. I'm sure after 5 months worth of blogging, pictures and video you'll figure most of them out. But let's focus on the main ones here, shall we?

I don't think anyone ever prepares themselves for the day they lose a brother or sister. No, nothing can. It's a feeling I honestly can't really explain.. Grief, anger, regret.. Knowing your 14 year old brother will never get to live the amazing life he had, the world would never see his immense list of talents. But what is it about his death that drives me toward Springer Mountain approach? It has nothing do with my feelings toward it, it's the feelings I never got to experience that push me onward.

For a grueling 4 years I've over analyzed every decision I make. I have no idea if i'll ever get another chance to do that one thing that i'm doing. The same thought process applies to this hike. If I don't do it now, will I ever get to do it? I've had many "close calls" in my lifetime and I know life isn't forever. I look at opportunities differently now, because they may never happen again. Nolan was the type of person where if he wanted something, he went and got it. I remember helping him deliver newspapers around town, because he wanted to save money for an iPod. He wanted to know that he worked to get what he wanted.

I want to walk 2,000 miles, summit a 5,269 ft mountain, look back at the trail and think to myself "I can do anything". But hey, it's not all about that final summit, It's going to be the journey along that way that truly and finally shapes who I've become. Those are the trials that i'm prepared to face head on. Where most people look away, i'll march right into the fire; with my brother right behind me.

Remember exactly what positivity made you the person you are today. That love will never go away, and the fire it fuels will never be extinguished.